Oct 31 2011
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Best wishes to you on Halloween:
She came to visit Halloween weekend. To carve pumpkins, to scoop out my heart.
I took photographs of her outside under skies the color of muscle, She held a long knife sitting in her undies, pumpkin between her knees. These are memories on a hard-drive.The fucking on my red Ikea sofa, on the floor, the bedroom, up against the wall in the hallway. I’d almost never remember any of this…if this wasn’t the last time id ever see her again.
But, she drove over 200 miles to tell me about how much she loved Halloween. How she was only doing this because she couldn’t stay away from me, even though it wasn’t a good idea for either of us. For some reason she can’t let us go. maybe never could, never will, no matter the circumstances. How are the circumstances now?
There was someone else she’d run back to once she was done with me. The carving and fucking and scooping out of my heart. I made a fuss at first. but she liked it to much when i got angry. she was something i couldn’t have , but did have..really, and confused i kissed her hard and pushed her on the bed. I fucked her deep, she opened up, like that way there is no description for, like the way when you’re breathing your last few fatal breaths, you’ll remember and have no regrets about life. Because life was all about being inside her inside something that made sense at least for that moment. and now ….I get lost in the thought. I forget about what she took from me. How she will pack up and have her Halloween somewhere else, with someone else. but it was worth it wasn’t it?. aren’t we all better off now? I told you, i could handle the bleeding.
Mar 11 2010
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I must say…
I hate you so much. I really think I do.
I hate the way you talk.
I hate the stupid comments that you make that you think are without fault.
I hate that you think you are so much smarter than me even though time and time again I show you otherwise.
I hate how bitter you make me. Do you think I like being so fucking miserable all the time and nagging like its my job.
I hate that I am fucking trapped with you for now.
I hate that I need you to survive for a couple of years.
I hate that I have to put my kid through what both of us went throuh.
I want to walk downstairs and rip your cell phone right out of your hand and step on your dick which I know is out, being beaten to some tall, annorexic chick with no tits who, in a moment of stupidity trusted someone enough with a picture of herself to send it to some fuckface that posted it on the internet. Some bitches that I will never look like that you will never meet, take presedence over me sexually. You make me feel disgusting. I’m sitting up here literally dripping wet making the most obvious passes…and you go downstairs for another 45 minute cigarette. Fuck you. You’re pathetic and sad. But you make me feel fucking worthless.
I will probably end up cheating on you. I am against nothing more than I am cheating.
I just really fucking hate you.
Feb 09 2010
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“ you have every right to be envious because I clearly have everything youve wanted. I know what I have is true because my relationship is built on love, trust, paitience, encouragement and happiness… Not bitterness, envy, jealousy and anger. Being in a relationship isnt about keeping your lady/man in check about who they talk to or who they are friends with. Youre not their parent or babysitter… Youre suppose to have trust and faith so itll actually go somewhere better. Love doesnt hurt so you know youre not falling in love youre just falling to pieces. And cleary… Every single guy youve so called ‘loved’ has a piece of it and its a piece of shit… Just like you. Grow up and get your priorities straight because they are as crooked as your teeth. You need to realize that just because they put a ring on your finger doesnt mean theyll be there forever. They can take it off as fast as they take off your pants. Heres a little bit of advice for you… 1. Grow up. 2. Get your priorities straight. 3. Actually do something with your life. 4. Get a man who’ll actually support you. Ps. I’ll quit my job before I pay taxes so you can move out into a place the government will be paying for.
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Megan Meadows ♥ (via ambreeezyx3)
Dear G…
Feb 08 2010
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Jan 29 2010
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reality…
Is not an option right now. I have zero sense of it. I want to stand on a rooftop and scream this…but I don’t want anyone to know…I don’t even know.
Do you love me yet?
oh wow…you need me. you need me more than anyone has ever needed me.
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and another thing
Where was this confession a year ago when it still would have been okay? there is so much about you I would love to tap into and devour. I am not speaking strictly sexually, though I promise I would have you doing things to me you never even thought of, but I want to tap into your head and just look around. I have this feeling that its beautiful and full of things that I hope to see and learn someday.
There is no future for us. I’m not simple. We could never ignore him, and I never want to. I never want to have to pretend he is less to me than he is and his best friend suddenly becoming my new best buddy would not sit well with any of our friends or either of us. The heartbreak he would feel is not worth a short time of complete bliss for me. I never want him to hurt that way.
the same way he once made me hurt.
